Friday, February 21, 2003

French Fry Success

Sweet Athena was gently coaxed into sociability over a large order of fries.

posted by Drew @ 6:02 PM | link to this post

Athena

I got up around 4AM and went to see Athena this morning. She got home yesterday evening, so today was my first day of interacting with her while her folks are out of town. When I got there around 5AM, she came runing toward the door excitedly wagging her tail and barking. She stopped and I could see in her eyes the realization that she didn't know who I am. Her barking stopped, she began growling and backed up a few steps. No calling her name or averting of my eyes appeased her as she eventually backed up and retreated to her folks bed in the bedroom. I kept talking to her as I walked into the kitchen and got her fresh water and food. I opened the door to the back yeard hoping she'd go out and relieve herself. She never came out of the bedroom. As I walked near the bedroom door, she growled and continued growling as long as I was within her view. After a few minutes of sitting in the living room hoping she would sneak past me and go outside, I went back to the bedroom door told her goodbye, closed the door to the backyard and left. I'll head back over there this evening with french fries (I've heard she has a weakness for french fries.) in hand prepared to clean up if she hasn't made it through the day without having a "little accident" in the house.

posted by Drew @ 7:23 AM | link to this post

Q Sangha

Last Monday, I was fortunate to attend Q Sangha at MCC San Francisco. [MCC San Francisco is developing this program that attempts to bridge the gap between Christian and Buddhist practice.] A new friend accompanied me to dinner and then to the "Mindful Monday" service conducted by Ji-Sing Norman Eng, a student of Thich Nhat Hanh's. It was astounding for me how comforted I am hearing the tenor and spirit of Thich Nhat Hanh's teachings coming from others. Ji-Sing was funny, contemporary, western, passionate, mindful and loving.

My meditation experience was not as I would have expected. The meditation began with someone sobbing and crying as we settled into the stillness of the room. It startled me. I'm not sure why. Of course, those of us with great pain feel it when we stop all the things that distract us from our true selves. I was torn with emotions and desire to quell the tears and the sobs accompanying them. At another moment, I angrily wanted the person to stop making so much noise. At some point, after bringing my focus back to my breath several times from rampant, rapidly arising thoughts of anger and compassion. I recognized my own sense of pain and focused on myself to make sure it wasn't me who was sobbing. It wasn't this time. As I drew my focus back to the moment and breathing, my left foot and leg seemed to fall almost instantly asleep. Ji-Sing had suggested before hand that if our feet or legs fell asleep we should feel free to mindfully, gently re-position them. I spent most of the rest of the meditation period, trying to re-position and awaken my sleeping left leg. Nothing intervened in the numbness in my left leg, so I just watched it.

The friend I was with read from Thich Nhat Hanh's Teachings on Love. The dharma talk was very gentle, thoughtful and "contemporary." Afterward, my friend and I walked part of the way home and talked. I was struck by similarities I saw in my new friend and myself. Somewhere along the way I wondered if it was too weird to feel attraction to someone who so reminded me of myself. In my self-judging mind I bandied about words like narcissism, creepy. Fortunately, relatively quickly I recognized that much of what she was presenting to me was not a reflection of myself, but rather a very similar integration of teachings by Thich Nhat Hanh to what I have done. Anyway, lots of confusing thoughts and emotions emerged for me with regard to her. "Certainly she'd make a good friend. Do I feel more than that?..."

posted by Drew @ 6:54 AM | link to this post

Monday, February 17, 2003

Quote of the Moment

The Strength of America

All of my friends and disciples on the five continents join me to humbly ask the government of the U.S.A. not to start a war with Iraq.

The war will bring destruction not only to the people of Iraq but also to the U.S.A. and to people all over the world. Please look into your own past experience with war to recognize the vast devastation that war creates for all warring parties, in terms of loss of precious human lives, destruction of the natural environment, and destruction of diplomatic relationships and peace between nations in the world. Please use your powers of reflection and understanding of the past and present situations in order to prevent such destruction and devastation to the peoples of the United States and for the protection and safety of people all over the world. Please look deeply into the interconnections between the U.S.A. and all nations in the world to see that war in one place will contribute to war in many places, destruction in one direction will lead to destruction in many directions.

We ask the U.S.A. to operate in harmony with the community of nations, making use of the collective wisdom and decision making capacities of that community. Please help strengthen the U.N. as an organization for peace-keeping, because that is the hope of the world. Please do not cause damage or destroy the authority and the role of the United Nations, instead support it wholeheartedly by listening to its recommendations. Please see the U.S.A. as an active member of the larger organization of the United Nations and seek to work together as an international community to ensure the safety and well-being for the people of the U.S.A. and for all people in the world. The United Nations, made up of many nations in the world, has the capacity to provide and support constructive settings to establish dialogue and to offer conditions for maintaining peace and security for all nations in the world. Please reveal the great strength and wisdom of the U.S.A. by showing the world that it is possible to resolve conflict without the long lasting destruction and devastation caused by war. We will all be very grateful.

Thich Nhat Hanh
and the Global Community of Mindful Living

Plum Village, France
16 February 2003

posted by Drew @ 2:36 PM | link to this post

Saturday, February 15, 2003

The name of Andrew has made you serious-minded, responsible, and stable. You love the security of a home and family, you are fond of children, and, as a parent you would be fair and understanding. Although you have good business judgment, you are not aggressive in your dealings because you do not like to create issues. You would be successful in any position dealing with the public as you have a diplomatic and tactful manner and possess a charming, easy-going nature which puts people at ease. People are drawn to you because they feel that you are patient, kind, understanding, and responsive. You would be effective in a career or in volunteer work where you are handling people and serving in a humanitarian way. While you are honest and responsible, one weakness that is paramount in your life is your lack of self-confidence and initiative, which causes you to put things off and avoid facing issues. Generally speaking, you have few problems with your health; however, there is a weakness affecting the fluid functions of the body.

posted by Drew @ 8:44 AM | link to this post

Thursday, February 13, 2003

Intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress

Can I sue? For some reason, the Republican National Committee has got it in their heads that I am one of them. I received a mailing from them today asking me for money.

"So I am surprised and concerned because I know how generously you have helped in the past and how instrumental your support was to our historic victories in 2002."

"Mr King, President Bush is counting on Republican leaders like YOU to help him with the tough challenges that lie ahead."

I didn't! I swear! I never! Is this my punishment for voting for Nader? The Bastards think I'm on their side!

posted by Drew @ 1:31 PM | link to this post

Tuesday, February 11, 2003

Feeding My Fear

Some months ago, when a friend was preparing to go to the protests in San Francisco to speak out against the rising energy toward war, I declined his invitation to attend because I had seen numerous organizing flyers posted by ANSWER that I considered hatefully directed at Israelis, jews and communicating an "anything done in the name of Palestinians" is okay bias. During the January protest, I remembered those feelings and fears as someone from ANSWER thrust a bucket in front of me an asked for money to support the effort against the war. I gave money anyway believing that my impressions of ANSWER had been shaped by some small minority of folks or perhaps they had changed their ways. It is clear to me that they are not committed to nonviolence. They have an agenda. One that precludes the existence of an Isaeli state in the Middle East. This evening I received an email about the banning of Rabbi Michael Lerner from speaking at the rally in San Francisco this weekend. A letter is circulating around the internet modeled on one signed by 150+ writers.

posted by Drew @ 8:03 PM | link to this post

Doris Wishman Update - Or, A Little More Ignorant than I Thought I Was

I got a very kind, gentle email from someone who worked with Doris Wishman. This person had read my post about Satan Was A Lady and offered me some additional information about the director and the movie. Ms. Wishman passed away last August (2002). She was 90. She was a very kind woman who cared deeply. She was apparently embarrassed by the quote I repeated and regretted having said it. As do I regret my flippant remarks after her quote.

Quote of the Moment

doris had been making movies since the 60's and, believe it or not, was very naive and shy about sex... hence the film having such a retro feel to it. believe me, we wanted to do a little more with it but she refused to show more, neither sex nor violence. she was an extremely warm and wonderful person who cared a great deal for her family, friends and pets.

posted by Drew @ 6:49 PM | link to this post

I called my friend this morning after meditation. We didn't really have time to speak much. His despair felt huge.

posted by Drew @ 7:00 AM | link to this post

Eating Meditation

Last night, I ate two raisins during meditation class. I noticed the difference in the ability of one side of my mouth to taste more than the other. About 7 years ago, a cyst had a big party in the left side of my jaw and neck wrapping itself around the nerve that runs along the jawbone. After the surgery, I had no feeling in the left side of my tongue. It caused several problems as I chewed my tongue while eating without realizing. The lack of sensation caused me to have a little trouble speaking without a lisp. I had to consciously think and pay attention to what happened in my mouth in order not to eat my tongue and to speak clearly. Fortunately, the nerve injury was not complete and with time it improved. I now have a slightly diminished sensation on the left side of my tongue. (I've noticed it most when kissing.) But last night, was the first time I can remember, since immediately after the surgery, not tasting fully on the left side of my tongue. Isn't that funny! Mindful Drew hasn't noticed something so basic and right "in my face" everyday until now.

posted by Drew @ 6:56 AM | link to this post

Monday, February 10, 2003

I can't help myself. I have to do that.

This evening as I listened to James Baraz speak during the last night of our Beginning Meditation Class, I found a connection with the spirit of these words spoken by a friend several years ago. As James spoke of the process that one goes through of becoming more mindful (aware) of one's life and actions in each moment, I remembered how seemingly near death I've been at times due to my depression. In my mind, there is a near instantaneous, somewhat dismissive process that occurs whenever someone comments on my lovingness or lifestyle that reflects the words my friend spoke to me -- "I can't help myself. I have to do that." For me, not slowing down my life and consciously focusing on the "little choices" and actions each day meant to loiter on the edge of a giant depression threatening to suck me in at any moment that I might yield to impulse. I don't know how many utility poles my forearms have twitched toward as I've driven down the road. I can't even tell you how many times over the years I've "celebrated" something by consuming alcohol and drugs in combinations that I would have rationally believed would lead to my "accidental death."

I woke up a little more this evening. I saw myself in the words of my friend whom I adore. I realized the value of depression in my life. If it were not there as a motivator, I'm not sure I'd be who I want to be. Right now, I pretty much am. Or at least, I'm on a path I feel I can live with. Whether or not I automatically dismiss the "choice(s)" I've made, I have chosen. And I am grateful to myself, to my teachers, to my father and to the people in the world like the president.

posted by Drew @ 10:21 PM | link to this post

Hi Carol!

Last night's performance by Otis Taylor was remarkable for his charisma and charm onstage. His banter and interaction with the audience was enjoyable though it seemed to feed some folks in the audience who obviously longed for the spotlight to be on them. He was funny. He was humble. And most importantly, he was good! I found myself wishing that my nephew (guitarist extraordinaire in the making) back in Jacksonville could see him play much the way I did when I watched Eric McFadden a couple of years ago at the Starry Plough. It turns out Otis Taylor will be in Jacksonville in April with his band. Hopefully, he'll be at a venue that a sixteen year old can get into.

posted by Drew @ 7:16 AM | link to this post

Sunday, February 09, 2003

Quote of the Moment

Analysis is a problem only when it gets disconnected from serving life. For example, if I said to you, "I think George Bush is a monster," we could have a long discussion, and we might think it was an interesting discussion, but it wouldn't be connected to life. We wouldn't realize this, though, because maybe neither of us has ever had a conversation that was life-connecting. We get so used to speaking at the analytic level that we can go through life with our needs unmet and not even know it. The comedian Buddy Hackett used to say that it wasn't until he joined the army that he found out you could get up from a meal without having heartburn; he had gotten so used to his mother's cooking, heartburn had become a way of life. And in middle-class, educated culture in the Unite States, I think that disconnection is a way of life. When people have needs that they don't know how to deal with directly, they approach them indirectly through intellectual discussions. As a result, the conversation is lifeless.
--- Marshall Rosenberg

*********************************************************************************************************************

Theologian Walter Wink estimates that violence has been the social norm for about eight thousand years. That's when a myth evolved that the world was created by a heroic, virtuous male god who defeated an evil female goddess. From that point on, we've had the image of good guys killing the bad guys. And that has evolved in "retributive justice," which says that there are those who deserve to be punished and those who deserve to be rewarded. That belief has penetrated deep into our societies. Not every culture has been exposed to it, but, unfortunately, most have.

Question: You've said that deserve is the most dangerous word in the language. Why?

It's at the basis of retributive justice. For thousands of years, we've been operating under this system that says that people who do bad deeds are evil - indeed, that human beings are basically evil. According to this way of thinking, a few good people have evolved, and it's up to them to be the authorities and control the others. And the way you control people, given that our nature is evil and selfish, is through a system of justice in which people who behave in a good manner get rewarded, while those who are evil are made to suffer. In order to see such a system as fair, one has to believe that both sides deserve what they get.
--- a little more Marshall Rosenberg from an interview in The Sun Magazine

posted by Drew @ 10:35 AM | link to this post

More Music on the Horizon

This evening, I'm heading to "The Freight" to catch Otis Taylor.

posted by Drew @ 10:11 AM | link to this post

Wooden Man

Last night, I headed down to the Freight & Salvage to listen to the only Zen Priest Bluegrass performer I know of. Alan Senauke had a "CD Release Party" that featured loads of bluegrass & old-time musicians and one dude (Moroccan?) whose roots are from sandier soil. It was a phenomenal evening of music and fun. The crowd was, as always for me, a bit of an enigma, a mix of Buddhist folk and bluegrass aficionados. The show was part of the 4th Annual San Francisco Bluegrass & Old-time Festival.

posted by Drew @ 10:09 AM | link to this post

Saturday, February 08, 2003

Impermanence

I thought I was having a rough week until I received an email from a friend whose sister is seriously ill. I've reviewed my understanding of Buddhist practice in times of illness and approaching death. I have been integrating things I think I know and things I just learned last week into trying to respond to my friend's request (below).

posted by Drew @ 12:50 PM | link to this post

Quote of the Moment

... please send lots of positive and highly blessed thoughts and prayers to Nebraska. My beloved sister, C-------, would be greatly helped by them from you.

posted by Drew @ 12:44 PM | link to this post

A Night with Victoria

robert, StaceyJean (and her man), boona, boona's niece, daniel and I all found our way to the Victoria last night to see a live performance of Hedwig and the Angry Inch. I saw the movie, but the stage performance was somehow infinitely more powerful and very different. The cast was phenomenal! It was a great night, but I was a little worried about boona's 23 year old niece who's visiting for a while. I hope she wasn't traumatized or bored. Somehow, I can't imagine anyone being bored.

posted by Drew @ 12:28 PM | link to this post

Tuesday, February 04, 2003

Contact High

Just when I had resigned myself to hanging out at home tonight, doing a little laundry and maybe sneaking out for some groceries, my neighbor called and offered two tickets to see Contact, which opened tonight at the Curran. I have to confess to not really knowing much about the play going in, but I loved it. It almost makes me wanna dance.

posted by Drew @ 11:35 PM | link to this post

Monday, February 03, 2003

StaceyJean Where Are You?

Ms. Stacey called me this evening while I was out. In her little getting over a cold kind of voice, she said she couldn't make it to see Kasey Chambers tomorrow evening. Which got me thinking about how much I'm gonna miss Sweet StaceyJean, when she takes her silly self back to that state that subverts democracy and brings down space shuttles. Of course, that damn state has Molly Ivins, Jim Hightower and pretty soon my music buddy.

posted by Drew @ 10:45 PM | link to this post

Martin Luther King, Jr. (High) Way

I just got home from another (the 5th) night of the beginning meditation class sponsored by Spirit Rock at the Northbrae Community Church. I walk there and back. Every night as I walk back and pass Fatapple's, I notice three kids sitting on the bench on the Rose Street side of Fatapple's smoking pot. Depending on the wind, sometimes I smell it half a block away. Frequently, I notice the smell of pot being smoked several times on my way home. This evening, I noticed it on my walk up and then again, twice, on my way home. I'm not sure it matters at all. I just find it amusing. For the record, no one has, yet, offered to share with me.

Class this evening was good. I found myself distracted a bit with romantic ideations about a couple of the women in the room. I tried to just relax and not judge myself and not be a creep toward either of the two women. A couple of flirtatious smiles and kind word or two isn't creepy. Right? Anyway, back to the class experience. James was good - gentle, kind, attentive, interesting. He talked about positive things (to focus on in practice) this evening. My meditation was interesting. My mind kept racing back to work problems. Trying to work them out and develop various solutions. (That reminds me. I want to take two books with me to work tomorrow - Database Design for Mere Mortals and Information Ecology.)

posted by Drew @ 10:40 PM | link to this post

Kasey Chambers

I've got a strong urge to go see Kasey Chambers tomorrow evening at the Fillmore. I almost bought tickets online today, but I couldn't get a commitment out of anyone to attend with me. Hmmm. My only unbooked night all week.

posted by Drew @ 6:18 PM | link to this post

On My Radar

A friend told me about these folks. This might be a date event.

posted by Drew @ 6:16 PM | link to this post

Monday

I woke up early this morning. I sat for 45 minutes with little trouble. My feet always seem to find a way to fall asleep while I sit, but the rest of me managed to stay awake. I'm off to therapy this morning. I'm not real sure what I'll bring up to work with today. I'll walk down there this morning and then back I'm sure. My legs a re a little weary from a bunch walking that I did yesterday.

I found myself down on 4th Street late in the afternoon checking out organic mattresses and box springs at Earth Sake. I was a little distressed by the $2000+ price tag of the mattress I'm interested in. I think the mattress & box spring together run in the neighborhood of $3000. I don't believe I'll be able to justify that. The mattress also has organic wool in it. I'd rather not have any animal product.

I wandered into an Aveda store and splurged on a creme cleanser and a moisturizer for my face. I also spent a fair amount of time in Hear Music listening to music. I enjoyed a lot of what I listened to, but nothing grabbed me and screamed - "Buy Me!"

posted by Drew @ 7:10 AM | link to this post

Sunday, February 02, 2003

A Little Less Ignorant?

This weekend, thanks to Movie Image, I learned about grindcore. I watched Satan was a Lady, Scare Their Pants Off, and Satan's Bed. I ended up with the Scare Their Pants Off/Satan's Bed double feature because Yoko Ono is in Satan's Bed. I don't guess I really understood what this grindhouse/grindcore genre was about. I looked for a good link to somewhere that could explain it, but I couldn't find one. They're sort of B movies that played in sleazy, rundown theaters in the sixties and seventies. As near as I can figure it out, the B stands for boobs. And the grind, well I think it must come from the theaters, but there sure was a lot of clothed crotches grinding away in all of these movies. I still can't fathom the Satan was a Lady flick having a 2001 release date. It was a Doris Wishman film.

Quote of the Moment

When I die, I'll still be making movies....In Hell!
--- Doris Wishman

As to her whereabouts after she dies (I think she's 80 now.), I have no doubt she's correct.

posted by Drew @ 6:43 PM | link to this post

I picked up tickets for this event the other evening at Cody's

Barbara Ehrenreich & Arlie Hochschild: "Global Woman: Nannies, Maids & Sex Workers Today"

February 15 @ 8PM
First Congregational Church of Oakland
2501 Harrison Street (at 27th Street)
Oakland

Global Exchange & KPFA Free Speech Radio present an Evening with Barbara Ehrenreich (author, Nickel and Dimed) & Arlie Hochschild (author, The Time Bind ) discussing "Global Woman: Nannies, Maids & Sex Workers Today."

"In previous centuries the developed world imported natural resources...now the import du jour is women, ideally happy 'peasant women,' who can care for the elderly and disabled, lovingly raise children, and provide sexual services for men...this is the female underside of globalization." -Publishers Weekly

$10 advance, $12 door - benefits Global Exchange & KPFA
tickets: East Bay: Black Oak, Cody's 4th Street, Cody's Telegraph, Diesel Bookstore, Global Exchange Store, Pegasus Shattuck, Pegasus Solano, Pendragon, Walden Pond
SF: City Lights, Global Exchange Store, Modern Times

Contact: Global Exchange, speakers@globalexchange.org, 415-575-5542 or telephone ticket orders, 415-255-7296 x200

posted by Drew @ 9:55 AM | link to this post